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The Question from Just Curious.

    Dear Eros Guru:  I am a 47 year-old married woman who is mostly happy with a very nice and nurturing husband who likes to talk about all kinds of things besides television or sports. I know, how lucky! (Hey, he wasn't always that way, but he got better as he got older.) Okay, so did I. I didn't let myself get lazy or fat. We are both very curious people and try to stay in shape, so we have always found each other attractive. I regularly use the web for finding information and keeping up on the latest news and health care developments. So, could you tell me what are the top ten sex-related questions that you are asked? Signed: Just Curious

The Answer.

    Dear Curious:   I don't think I can list the top ten at this time. I have not kept an accurate record of which questions are asked the most, but I am fairly certain that the top six questions relate to erection difficulties and premature ejaculation in men, difficulty attaining an orgasm in women, the G-spot in women, pornography and relationships, and how to keep or revive good love-making in a relationship.

    The next most common questions relate more to how relationship issues affect love-making, such as communication problems, lack of love or nurturing, affairs, cybersex, hostility, anger, grudges, and power games.

    That pretty much answers your question but it doesn't give you much information. So, I will give longer but still fairly brief answers to two of the more technical questions I often get asked which relate to the G-spot and premature ejaculation. Although these two subjects are the focus of much discussion, they are still not widely understood. Thankfully, sex, sexuality and eroticism are much more popular subjects than they used to be, because a healthy, loving, fun sex life does make a difference in how we feel.

    Here's a short answer about the G-spot in women.

    The G-spot is the so-called urethral "sponge" erotic zone and many women have G-spot orgasms or the G-spot contributes to a multiple orgasm or a more intense clitoral orgasm when it is stimulated. The G-spot is approximately 2.0 inches (or further) inside the vagina on the upper (abdominal) side between the pubic bone and the cervix. In order to stimulate it, a man has to insert his fingers palm up in a "come here" position. Then he needs to tap the G-spot towards the woman's navel.

    The G-spot is a difficult spot to hit with a penis during intercourse because of its location. Often the so-called "doggie" style or woman prone style of intercourse allows a penetration angle for the penis that can provide contact between the penis and the G-spot. Men with upwardly curving penises may also have an advantage to finding the G-spot during intercourse in the so-called "missionary" position.

    Here's a short answer about premature ejaculation (PE).

    The problem has many possible causes. So, I will skip most of that for now. The major cause may be related to plain, old-fashioned programming. Many teenage boys did and still do masturbate hurriedly because they often are afraid they will be caught. This can lead to PE when they grow up. This is primarily programming -- never learning how to go slow and getting in touch with the various subtle cues about impending orgasm. Some would say that PE was adaptive and useful on an evolutionary basis. Languishing while procreating was probably not a great idea when survival was often on the line. The more impregnations and the more quickly they were done may have been important. Not any more.

    So, depending on how regular the PE occurs, one must decide whether to do something about it. The main techniques are practicing "holding-off" while masturbating and using the "squeeze" technique, where a man or his partner can squeeze the base of the penis to postpone ejaculation. Also there is the "stop start" technique, which is exactly how it sounds: when a man gets to "the point of no return," he stops for a few moments, lets his arousal level lower, and starts again. Generally speaking, this technique and the squeeze technique will not be successful unless a man has practiced during masturbation to identify his different arousal levels. There are other physical techniques and there is medication such as using certain antidepressants whose "side effects" can be utilized to prolong the period before ejaculation.

    I hope that helps. Take care, and thank you for writing!
    Posted by:  Ron Sterling, M.D.  Read our Disclaimer.

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