As much as we love a few days off and a good celebration, the great American November and December holidays are capable of giving us some significant emotional challenges. Unlike Halloween, which is all about "pretending," the conflicted feelings connected to the winter holiday season are for real.

In fact, one of the most famous stress-measurement tests — take a deep breath — the Holmes-Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale, rates "Christmas" as one point higher for stress than a minor violation of the law. On top of that, we Northwesterners also get the additional biological burden of shorter and darker days.

Even if you do not personally have any serious issues with the holiday season, take note; you will be surrounded by people who do. The holiday emotional roller coaster has arrived. Welcome aboard, and don't forget to fasten your seat belt.

Thanksgiving is a time in which families do their best to get together and renew their bonds. A 1997 survey by American Demographics showed that six out of 10 adults named "family" as the most important thing for which they were thankful. However, families are now more fractured than ever and getting the whole "family" together could mean trying to bring together challenging sets of people like ex-spouses, ex-spouses' new partners, biological kids and stepkids, and biological and step-grandparents. Children of divorces have the especially complex task of trying to visit both of their biological parents, who may be geographically distant from each other. To be dealt with, or ignored, are old grudges and other obstacles that have gotten in the way of loving relationships.

And then there's Christmas itself. Just what are Americans actually celebrating on and around Christmas Day? Take your pick: Hanukkah, birth of Jesus, Kwanzaa, a magical tree, gift giving, Santa Claus/Sinterklaas/Saint Nicholas, children in general, good children, neighborliness, love, family, a funny, little, parasitic bush that used to be thought of as a cure for sterility and an antidote for poisons (mistletoe), the invention of the electric light bulb, a day or two off from work, Christmas bonuses, football bowl games, and/or consummate consumerism. You can hunker down during the holidays, but you can't really escape.

This may mean sending out fewer but more meaningful holiday cards. For some families, this may mean establishing gift-giving rules, such as limiting gifts to one or two per person.

Respect means respecting the gifts that come our way. Respect for our own feelings may mean limiting our exposure to family members who are rude or obnoxious. It may mean making sure we have a friend we can call if our family get-together becomes too much for us to handle.

If not, consider reaching out in some other way. Reach out to others by volunteering some time (go to SeattleWorks.org or call 206-324-0808). Or, reach out for one new accomplishment or new experience this holiday season. When we advance some part of ourselves, we feel better, even if it is simply going to a poetry reading, or to a museum or church we have shied away from.

On a very simple level, Thanksgiving is a day on which to give thanks and the winter holiday season is about unconditional love. Keeping the essence of these holidays in mind can keep us not only mostly sane, but often even smiling.

Best wishes, and take care!